Your right to fold laundry just got regulated. The U.S. Department of Civic Maturity has quietly rolled out the “Adulting…

Your favorite linebacker just got a new look—and it’s called grief. The NFL has unveiled its latest line: “Quiet Despair”…

Your history just got a vocabulary filter. The U.S. Department of Education has mandated that all federally approved AI teaching…

Your political views just got archived. Meta has rolled out “Bipartisan Mode”—a new setting that automatically deletes any post deemed…

Your favorite point guard just got paid—in likes. The NBA has announced that starting next season, **rookie contracts will be…

Your sadness about the planet is now a security risk. The U.S. Department of Defense has quietly filed a patent…

Your tears now require ID. TikTok has rolled out “Emotional Age Verification”—a new system that blocks users from viewing “high-intensity…

Your Olympic joy just got a climate warranty. The International Olympic Committee has launched “Artificial Snow Insurance”—a $29.99 add-on that…

Freedom is now a subscription. The U.S. State Department has quietly rolled out “Democracy-as-a-Service” (DaaS)—a cloud-based platform that offers tiered…

Truth is now a high-conflict keyword. In a move that redefines neutrality as erasure, Google has quietly updated its algorithm…