In a move that blends dystopian fiction with fiscal desperation, Congress has introduced the **“Emotional Stability Revenue Act”**—a bill that would impose a **“Thought Tax” on negative vibes**, including pessimism, cynicism, and “unproductive despair.” Under the proposal, citizens would report their weekly emotional output via a new IRS form (Schedule V: Vibes), and those exceeding the “National Optimism Threshold” would owe up to 15% of their “emotional deficit” in cash or community service. This isn’t policy. It’s emotional austerity with a W-2.
The Viral Myth of the Thought Tax
The pitch is deceptively patriotic: “If we all think positively, the economy will grow.” Bill sponsors claim the tax will “incentivize resilience,” “reduce national anxiety,” and “turn grief into GDP.” One representative declared: “Why pay for therapy when you can just pay the government to feel better?”
Two satirical citizen reactions capture the absurdity:
“I got audited for sighing too loudly during a Zoom call. They said my ‘vibe leakage’ cost the economy $200.” — @TaxedAndTired
“Filed my Thought Tax return. Deducted my dog’s death as ‘force majeure.’ They denied it. Said I ‘failed to manifest joy.’” — @VibeCriminal
The myth? That this is about mental health.
The truth? It’s blaming individuals for systemic collapse—and billing them for it.
The Absurd (But Real) Mechanics of Vibe Taxation
After reviewing the draft bill and interviewing three “vibe auditors” (all bots), we uncovered the enforcement framework:
- Vibe Monitoring — Social media posts, smartwatch stress data, and even grocery purchases (e.g., buying ice cream = “emotional indulgence”) feed into your “National Vibe Score.”
- Tax Brackets — Mild pessimism (e.g., “This sucks”): 5%. Existential dread: 12%. Publicly questioning capitalism: 15% + mandatory “Positivity Bootcamp.”
- Deductions — You can offset negative vibes by posting “#Grateful” content, attending corporate wellness webinars, or buying “Hope Bonds” (backed by nothing).
One pilot program in Ohio already uses AI to scan public library book checkouts: reading *1984* adds 3 “vibe points” to your liability.
And yes—there’s merch:
– “I Paid My Thought Tax” tote bag
– “Certified Optimist” lapel pin
– A $49 “Vibe Shield” app that auto-deletes sad texts before sending
The Reckoning: When Austerity Becomes Emotional
This bill didn’t emerge in a vacuum. It’s the logical endpoint of a political culture that treats poverty as a mindset and crisis as a personal failure.
As we explored in UK Government Recommends Turning Off Your Personality, governments increasingly offer tone-deaf “solutions” to economic pain. And as shown in Waiting on Hold, institutions already treat your time—and now your emotions—as disposable.
High-authority sources confirm the drift:
- Brookings Institution warns that “behavioral taxation” shifts blame from policy failures to individual psychology.
- American Psychological Association states that penalizing negative emotions increases stigma and delays real mental health care.
- Tax Foundation notes the bill is “unenforceable, unconstitutional, and economically illiterate”—but still gaining bipartisan support.
The real cost? Not the $150 tax.
It’s the criminalization of honest human feeling in the name of “national morale.”
Conclusion: The Cynical Verdict
So go ahead. Smile on command.
Post your #Grateful selfie.
Manifest your way out of rent.
But don’t call it resilience.
Call it emotional rent-seeking.
And tomorrow? You’ll probably file your Thought Tax return…
because even your despair has a line item.
After all—in 2025, the only unpatriotic thing is to feel the truth.
